Minute With Mallon: Are You Sabotaging Success?

Aug 31

Welcome to Minute with Mallon!

Something I Taught:

Some time around ten years ago, I was visiting my friend Dan Miller in Franklin, Tennessee. Dan was an incredible author and coach who was loved by thousands of people. He passed away in 2024, and I still miss him.

One morning while visiting, I woke up early in his guest house. His beautiful office was also in the guest house, so I decided to meander in there while drinking my first cup of coffee. Beside his desk was a stack of books.

Authors regularly sent Dan their books and asked him to write a short blurb endorsing them. Dan was pretty selective about doing that, so I knew if a book was sitting there, it was probably worth looking at.

I picked up the book on top. It was called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I had actually had a long conversation with Gay once, and I can tell you that he's a very smart guy.

I started reading the book, and about an hour later I was on page 50 going, "Wow, this is good."

The book was built around one central idea that really grabbed me: Most of us have an internal limit on how much success, happiness, love, and fulfillment we are comfortable experiencing. When life gets better than what feels familiar or comfortable, we can unconsciously do something to bring ourselves back down to a level that feels more normal.

Hendricks calls this the Upper Limit Problem.

Think about that for a minute. Things may be going extremely well in your business, and suddenly you start worrying about something that probably isn't going to happen. Your marriage may be going great, and you pick a fight over something that really doesn't matter. You may be making tremendous progress toward an important goal, and then you suddenly start procrastinating or allowing yourself to get distracted.

Why in the world would we do that?

Hendricks suggests that sometimes our problem isn't our inability to succeed. It's our inability to become comfortable with greater success.

That idea has stayed with me for years, and I've used it with many of my coaching clients. It has also caused me to ask myself a question when I find myself worrying or creating a problem when things are actually going pretty well:

"Is this a real problem, or am I creating a problem because I've exceeded my old comfort level?"

That's a powerful question.

The next time things are going really well and you suddenly find yourself worrying, creating conflict, procrastinating, or getting distracted, catch yourself and ask that question. Maybe there really is something that needs your attention, but maybe there isn't.

Maybe you just need to enjoy the success. Accept the compliment. Celebrate the win. Be grateful for the great relationship. Keep moving forward instead of finding some reason to pull yourself backward.

Maybe nothing needs to be fixed. Maybe you're simply learning to live at a new level.

I eventually finished The Big Leap, and I highly recommend it. It's one of those books that can change the way you see yourself, and I've used what I learned from it with many of my clients over the years.

Here's something to think about this week:

What good thing in my life do I need to stop questioning and simply be grateful for?

Maybe your next big leap isn't learning how to achieve more. Maybe it's learning how to become comfortable with more.

Something to Ponder:

What good thing in my life do I need to stop questioning and simply be grateful for?

Something I Learned:

I learned this from author James Clear recently:

"Whether a decision is good or bad can change based on how you act after the choice is made.

You can't learn all the lessons beforehand. You learn a lot about what you want in a marriage after getting married. You discover what type of career you enjoy after doing a lot of work. And so it goes in nearly every area of life. In many cases, what you wish you knew ahead of time can only be learned after the decision is made.

So there is nothing left but to pay attention to what you like, continue to iterate, and commit to making the most of each opportunity. There is no perfect decision. Good decisions are made right after the fact."

From my experience, this certainly rings true.

How about you? In what areas has this been true for you?