Minute With Mallon: Understanding and Overcoming Resistance!
Welcome to Minute with Mallon!
Something I Taught:
As a leader, it’s important to remember that everyone has an instinctive reaction when they begin to feel like they are being pushed on. For some of us, me included, it can feel like it’s a personal matter when people aren't agreeing with us. But most of the time it's not.
I often address this and teach people to be aware of this tendency when I do large seminars on leadership, management, business growth, etc.
I'll pick one of the burliest men in the room, walk up to him (he is always seated), hold my arm out with my palm pointing towards him, and invite him to put his hand on mine and resist.
I start pushing, strenuously, and then almost immediately, they push back.
EVERY TIME!
I continue on for a few seconds. It always gets a laugh as his chair begins start to slide backwards and both of our arms begin to tremble.
Then I ask, "What just happened?”
There's always some nervous laughter, then one or two folks in the crowd yell out, "You pushed him, and he pushed back."
EXACTLY!!!
There is a name for this psychological concept: Reactance. Reactance is a motivational state characterized by a perceived threat to one's freedom or autonomy, which leads individuals to respond in ways that seek to restore or assert their freedom. In other words: you push me, and I’ll push back! This is important for leaders to understand!
When individuals feel pressured, coerced, or manipulated, they may experience reactance and respond by resisting or pushing back against the perceived threat. It's human nature.
Here are two ways to reduce Reactance:
Offer choices to empower individuals. Giving someone options allows them to make decisions that match their preferences, reducing reactance.
Here's an example: "You can choose to work on this project individually or collaborate with a team. Which option aligns better with your preferences?"
Use persuasive language that emphasizes collaboration and mutual benefit. Respect the individual's autonomy and freedom to decide. Avoid commanding language to prevent reactance.
An example would be: "I'd like to invite you to consider this option, as it may offer benefits for both of us. Your input and perspective are valued, and I trust your judgment in making the best decision for yourself."
These may take a little longer to think through, but just like anything, if you practice it, it will become second nature, and your competence will go up!
Look for situations to practice these this week! 👍🏻
Something to Ponder:
"Empowerment comes from the ability to make choices. When you have choices, you have freedom. When you have freedom, you have power."
Lou Holtz
Something I Learned:
I'd like to take a moment to share something deeply meaningful to me on a spiritual level. If this isn't of interest to you, feel free to skip ahead.
Between Christmas and New Year's I was able to get away for a 3-day spiritual retreat by myself. I do this at least once a year. During the retreat, one of the things I did was a full study on the book of Ecclesiastes in the bible. You may already know this, but it was written by Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.
Ecclesiastes is a book of philosophy. Solomon was not in good standing with God when he wrote it. He initially followed God and sought wisdom and understanding to rule his kingdom. However, as he grew older, he became entangled in relationships and alliances with foreign nations, including marriages to many foreign wives, which led to his downfall.
So he decided to do an experiment. He decided to see what happens if we take God completely out of the picture and just "live under the sun," chasing after the Big 3:
Wisdom & Knowledge = Intellectualism
Pleasure = Hedonism
Success & "Stuff" = Materialism
His question was which one of these "ism's" would offer true satisfaction.
What he found was that pursuit of any or all of the three was like chasing the wind. They can fill your sails for a moment, but when it's gone, it's gone. As a means for fulfillment, none of the Big 3 will ever fully satisfy.
What he did find was that every person on the planet has a God-shaped hole that can only be filled by God. Solomon’s reasoning was that He is the only thing that will truly satisfy.
Solomon found that earthly pursuits leave us empty. Our deepest longings are only fulfilled by connecting with the divine. We all have a God-shaped hole waiting to be filled. True satisfaction isn't in temporary pleasures, but in God's eternal love.
Something I Saw:
Sitting on a bench on a square in Savannah. Looked up, and “Wow!”
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Robert
